


Uninterested

by gingersoul



Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: Asexual Character, Asexuality, M/M, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-31
Updated: 2016-03-31
Packaged: 2018-05-30 07:48:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 736
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6415090
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gingersoul/pseuds/gingersoul
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ed is really excited to have sex with his boyfriend for the first time ever. Oswald is not. Not an ace Oswald headcanon fan? That's fine! Imagine it's an AU.</p>
<p>(first work posted, super short, more testing out the system than anything)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Uninterested

“We are having sex tonight, correct?"

Oswald looked up from his game of solitaire and grinned rather awkwardly. Faked happiness, of course, not that Ed would notice. He wasn’t very emotion-smart. “What, no ‘good afternoon’? ‘I’m home, sweetie’?”

Ed shut his apartment’s door behind him and rolled his eyes in a weirdly twitchy, high-strung way. “Well, yes, both of those. And I do hate to be controlling, but you did say we would. I have condoms. Of course there’s no pregnancy risk and I do not believe either of us have any diseases, but better safe than sorry.”

The rant was more or less tuned out by Oswald who preoccupied with cleaning up his game and re-shuffling the cards. He’d look up or nod occasionally to confirm he was still engaged.

“I have looked into it, actually. Information was a bit difficult to find because of the more... uncommon nature of our relationship and the fact that I’ve never been with a man before. But! I actually went to a gay bar and asked around there.”

“Oh...” He slid the cards back into their holder. “And how did that go?”

“Excellently. I was hit on, several times, but I explained my intentions and many actually found it very endearing. I got a lot of wonderful advice.” Ed pulled off his jacket and then his sweater, accidentally pulling up his shirt a bit along with it and showing a flash of stomach before he fixed it again. He started to unbutton his shirt, Oswald’s eyes slightly widening with every new inch of skin revealed. Ed took this as a good sign and continued. “Well?” he said, “Aren’t you going to...”

“Going to what?”

“You know... undress?”  
He gulped and stuttered something along the lines of “yes”, starting to shakily unbutton his own shirt. Nerves, he told himself, he was only nervous. He loved Ed.

“Are you sure you’re ready for this?”

Oswald was snapped out his introspection. “What? Oh, yes, of-of course, I-”

“It’s okay if you’re not. You know I’m okay with that, right?”

He focused his attention on the small cardboard box, fiddling with a torn corner. “Oh, no, it’s totally fine-”

Ed sat down in the chair next to him and Oswald gasped, surprised he was even capable of moving so quickly. “You’re stuttering. I can tell you’re nervous. And it’s not good nervous, either. You’re usually so obvious with your emotions. What’s going on?”

“Ed, I... don’t want to have sex.”

“Right now? So you’re not ready?”

“Ever.” Ed opened his mouth, but he was quickly cut off. “Listen, it’s not you. I just, I’ve seen, you know, things like porn before and I’ve always been so disgusted and whenever...” He slowly quieted when he realized Ed was... grinning? Not at all the reaction he had expected.

“You’re asexual!”

“No. What? That’s what I’m trying to tell you, I’m not sexual. At all.”

He jumped up from the chair as swiftly as he had gotten in and dashed to his coat, pulling out a notepad and a pen. “An estimated 1% of the population experiences no sexual attraction whatsoever. I’ve never actually met one before, though! I’m rather excited.”

Oswald gawked at him. “You’re not frustrated? Ed, you can never have sex with me! How are you okay with that?”

“Well of course I’m disappointed, but I’d still like to ask you some questions about this. A real live asexual!”

“As opposed to a dead one?”

Ed froze in his walk back to the table and nodded solemnly. “Um, a few years back we had a serial killer targeting asexual women. It took us a while to figure out the connection, but there were about six of them killed in the end.”

Oswald was obviously rather horrified at this point, his just recent introduction into his sexuality already tainted by a brand new reason for him to be murdered.

“So what was your first... encounter with sex? In any form, of course. Porn. Sexual education.”

He was being interviewed by his boyfriend. Somehow he expected this to happen eventually, considering how Ed was as a person. He expected he’d have to come clean about his sex drive eventually too, but this was the result he least expected.

“Well,” he sighed, “A week after my seventh birthday, on one of... the worst days of my life, I found a used condom on the ground.”


End file.
